In my apartment, everyone can hear you scream.

I am a Sci-Fi movie fan. I am also a Horror movie fan. In 1979 these two genres were combined in a perfect cacophony to form a movie called “Alien”. This is a movie about a crew of space salvage workers who respond to a distress call only to fall victim to a vicious and terrifying creature that would later become known as a Xenomorph.



The Xenomorph, which was designed by artist H.R. Giger, has three main stages of life. The first is that of the “Face-hugger”.
The face-hugger hatches from an egg laid by a queen xenomorph and attaches itself to the face of an available host. It proceeds to lay an egg within the host’s esophagus. Upon completion of this phase, the face-hugger dies and releases its grip. The host plays incubator to the second phase of the alien’s life cycle which is the “Chest-burster”.
As the name implies, when the egg is ready to hatch, the alien does so in a violent ordeal wherein it literally bursts through the chest, killing the host and causing a great deal of agitation amongst anyone in the immediate area. From here we enter the adult stage; the third, final and most notorious stage of the xenomorph’s life cycle.
Once reaching adulthood, the xenomorph goes on to cause general havoc, death, and unpleasantness in the, soon to be ending, lives of all who encounter it, except of course for the sharp witted and tough as nails Warrant Officer, Ellen Ripley.

Three sequels were made from "Alien", all of which showcase silly humans not listening to Ripley and sub-sequentially becoming xenomorph fodder. I love them all. Even the fourth one where Wynona Ryder attempts to play her angsty teen role in a Sci-Fi/Horror setting keeps my attention. I really dig the franchise.

Then along came a movie called “Predator”.
In this little celluloid gem, Arnold “You are one ugly Emmer Effer” Schwarzenegger, Jesse “I ain’t got time to bleed” Ventura and a group of other bad asses head into the jungle only to be picked off one by one by the unfriendly E.T. version of Ted Nugent.
There are some catch phrases and explosions and the movie ends. A sequel with Danny Glover dealing with a Predator in Manhattan followed and was generally dismissed. I dug both of these movies as well, just not with as much fervor as the alien franchise.

You can imagine my excitement when I hear that there was a movie being made that would pit these two awesome creatures against each other.
“No matter who wins…We Lose.” was the tag line for A.V.P (Aliens vs. Predators) and it turned out to be a fun ride. There were a lot of scenes that had a black Alien fighting a camouflaged Predator in a dark room with “DRAMATIC ACTION CAMERA-WORK” which made viewing a bit of a challenge but overall it was enjoyable. The sequel “A.V.P.-Requiem” was a bit of a snooze fest and my least favorite of either family.

So, time passes and one day I find myself wandering aimlessly through Best Buy when I catch a glimpse of a familiar exoskeletal design. I picked up the box and the Death’s Head Hawkmoths in my stomach started to flutter about. I had discovered the “Total Destruction” Box Set which included ALL the Alien movies, BOTH the Predator movies and BOTH the A.V.P. movies!!!



I was ecstatic.

I was also without the proper amount of money to purchase this wonder of wonders so with heavy heart; I put it back on the shelf and went on my way fantasizing about the day I could take that box set home.

That weekend as I was waiting for plans to form I decided to watch “Alien”. Plans never really coagulated so I ended up hanging out in my apartment and watching the first three Alien movies on my own. Awesome! Sometime after midnight, I decided to head off to bed.

I have a condition called “Sleep Apnea” which basically means that I don’t breathe properly when sleeping. This causes daytime tiredness and attention problems but can lead to severe problems culminating in death. It can also put significant stress on the heart causing problems there as well. The most common treatment is the use of a continuous positive airway pressure device or “CPAP” device. These devices come in many forms. I use a mask style that straps to my head and encloses my nose. I have seen a change in daytime energy levels since I started treatment and would recommend anyone who snores heavily to get tested. So I got in bed, put on my mask, and went to sleep.

Here is where certain decision making skills might be reviewed.

Evidently, at some point in the night, I rolled over and the hose from my CPAP mask gently nestled down upon my neck.






I reacted to this by hurdling out of my bed, ripping the mask off my face, and slamming it against the wall by the hose while screaming until I was holding nothing but a ragged fragment of medical tubing. Once I regained my composure, I turned a light on and looked around my room to see bits of my mask scattered everywhere! I chuckled to myself about the story-telling possibilities of this event and proceeded to clean up the fragments and doze in my chair knowing full well I wasn’t sleeping in that bed again that night.

I have replaced my CPAP mask.

I have not bought the box set.

Yet…