Mind over Matter

In horror movies, an effective tool is used to make the audience jump. This is to have the main antagonist appear in an object where, just seconds ago, they were not. A common set up would include a person in front of a medicine cabinet in the bathroom. You see them alone in the room, they open the cabinet to get something, and when they close the cabinet again you see the villain right behind them. There is usually a hard, loud jangle of music which provokes hysterical screams and bowel loosening from the audience. Another popular version of this tactic involves a person innocently looking out the window for danger, scornfully berating their companions for their cowardice, turning back to the window as a flash of lightening illuminates the zombie seconds before it crashes through the window and feasts on the overly confident jerk’s brains. This technique has done wonders for the horror movie industry. However, there have been some side effects. Most notably, to me at least, a couple of years ago while trying to work in my parent’s basement.

As some of you may know, over the years, my parents have graciously allowed me to build a small recording studio in their basement. It is divided up into two rooms. There is the sound room, where the live instruments are played while recording. And the control room where the recording equipment is. The rooms are separated by a wall to help control the sound. In this wall, I installed a window so I can communicate with the musicians performing. I will often spend hours down there writing, recording, or editing songs. A couple of years ago I was attempting to work on an idea that had formed for a song. My parents were out of town at the time, visiting family in Michigan. I had recently watched a brilliant independent movie entitled “28 Days Later” a couple of night previously. This is a different take on the classic “zombie” movie. In this film we join the main character as he regains consciousness after a bicycle accident to find that society has fallen to a virus that has turned nearly everyone in raging, mindlessly violent, blood thirsty animals. There is a particularly spectacular example of the technique mentioned above used in one of the scenes.

So there I was, all alone in the basement of an older house that is surrounded by corn fields; little creaks and groans from the house settling after the sun has gone down. I have, over the years, worked to develop my imagination so that I might write interesting songs and stories or create unusual pieces of art in one form or another. There are, on the other hand, some draw backs to this. When you find yourself all alone in the basement of an older house that is surrounded by cornfields and has a propensity to creak and groan, you may not have the control over your imagination you might have hoped for. I know I didn’t. I sat in the control room; bent over my guitar, trying desperately to work on a song that I knew was going to turn out pretty cool if I could just focus on it. But there was going to be no focus. How could I concentrate on this song when I – just – knew if I looked up, there would be a zombie staring at me through the sound room window? I could not do it. Every creak was the foot step of impending doom heading down the stairs toward me and every groan was the last thing I heard before the brains would be chewed from my skull.

I finally succumbed. I put down my guitar, shut off my computer, and headed for the door. I was pretty cool walking across the basement but as I mounted the steps my pace increased until I blasted out the garage door and practically dove through the window into the front seat of my car. Spraying gravel, I tore away from the house I grew up in with much reproach for my lack of intestinal fortitude. As I was careening out onto the main road my cell phone rang and after a small amount of incontinence, I answered. It turned out to be a good friend of mine asking if I would be interested in; YES! YES! YES! I answered before he finished. The last thing I wanted was to be alone at that moment He said some friends were meeting at a local bar for some drinks. I beat them all there.

The Event

I am notoriously terrible at renewing my plates on time because I think it is crap that they demand money every year to renew the registration on a vehicle I registered the year before and the year before that! I believe it is further crap that the registration date does not adjust itself to the time you registered. I’ve had people try to justify it to me but they fail on all accounts. It is crap and that is all there is about it.

I will, however obscenely ludicrous it is, recognize that this is the current law and that the events that transpired are entirely my fault. Had I followed the law and paid them their “screw off fee” none of the following would have happened. I am entirely to blame. That said, please sit back and enjoy a section of my life that could be the basis for a sitcom.

Last week I left work during my lunch break in order to get some food at a local gas station. As I was getting out of my car I heard a voice over a loud speaker say “Driver, Please remain in your vehicle!” Startled, I looked around and discovered that parked next to me was a pale blue dodge charger with flashing light barely noticeable on the dash. I looked into the car and into the face of a state trooper who was staring back at me. I smiled and closed my door and assumed the standard “Pulled over Position”- Window down, engine off, radio off, hands on the steering wheel. He gets out of the car and comes over to my door and informs me that the reason he is pulling me over is because my plates are expired. I grumble to myself about my forgetfulness and he asked for my license. I inform him it is in my back pocket and that I am reaching for it so he does not become alarmed or feel threatened. I hand it to him and he hands it back to me stating that I had, in fact, handed him my visa card. I am immediately flustered and attempt to explain that it was not my intention at all to hand that to him and that I wasn’t trying to suggest anything by it. He held his hand up and I could just make out a shadow of a smile on his face as I hurriedly hand him, after checking it three times, my license.

He takes the license and says “If you have business inside, you can go in and attend to it.” I stared at him blankly. I cleverly responded “Really?” He said “I assume you are on your lunch break, so if you need to get something in there, go and get it. I should be done with my paperwork by the time you come back.” So I went inside. The guy behind the counter asked if everything was OK. I stated calmly that I was getting a ticket but the cop said I could get what I needed while he wrote things out. The clerk blinked and I said “I know! Right?” He just shook his head.

So I went back got one of the salads that have for sale, grabbed a drink from the cooler, paid for my items and went back to my car. I then presented myself with the following problem. How do I get in my car without him thinking I’m going to start up my car and race out of the parking lot to commit further heinous crimes like ripping the tags off mattresses or using an aerosol spray can on a manner other that which it was intended. I decided I would walk exaggeratedly to my car so he would be sure to see that I was letting him know I was returning to my car and as I got into my vehicle I quickly placed my items on the floor and returned my hands to the steering wheel.

I couple of minutes later he returned with a 10 day warning instead of a ticket. He told me to renew the plates and then have an officer sign off on the paper he gave me. He also asked me if my seatbelt was in working order. I replied that it was and he said to be sure to put it on before I leave because I wasn’t wearing it when I got there. DAMN! DAMN! DAMN! I have made it a habit to wear my seatbelt at work because it is a CDL regulation, but I must have forgotten to put it on while rushing out to get lunch. I put my seatbelt on and the officer tells me to have a nice day and leaves. WOW! He could have given me two expensive tickets but he didn’t! This sounds like the end of the story, but wait! There is more!

The next day on my lunch break I head over the Vehicle Emissions Test site to get tested and renew my plates. As I pull up I see the “Estimated Wait Time” clock set at 40 minutes. I only have a 30 minute lunch but I pull in to asses the line and it is indeed back up and around the curve so I head back to work. I work from 8:30 am to 7 pm Monday through Thursday and am off on Fridays but I wanted to get this taken care of. So I told my supervisor that I was coming in late on Wednesday because I wanted to get this registration thing taken care of and there were a couple of other chores I wanted to handle before Friday. So Wednesday I get up, take care of my other chores and head over toy the Vehicle Emissions Test site in Waukesha to find that it is closed on Wednesdays!! DAMN! DAMN! DAMN! The facilities hours are plainly posted on the sign as you enter the driveway but who the hell thought they’d be closed in the middle of the week! Again, my fault, I didn’t check the hours before I made the plans. So I drive, deflated, in to work.

The next day, Thursday, off I go again on my lunch break to try to take care of an issue I could have handled at my leisure a couple of months earlier. As I pull up to the Vehicle Emissions Test site, I see the “Estimated Wait Time” clock isn’t even registering recognizable numbers. I pull in to the lot to discover even more cars in line than there was on Tuesday! There is nothing for it. I go back to work (amongst the chuckles of my co-workers who have been following this saga) completely defeated and resigned to resolving this issue on Friday.

Friday morning I get up and head right over the Vehicle Emissions Test site. I see the “Estimated Wait Time” clock set at 28 minutes so I get in line. I finally make my way in to one of the garage bays and the young lady asks for my renewal for. I tell her that I don’t have a renewal for and that I was pulled over by a cop due to my lack of handling a simply yearly task everyone else manages to complete. She says she can’t test my car with out the form and that I have to pull around go inside, give the lady my license plate number, and she will print out the form I need. I thank her for the direction and pull out of the bay, drive around to the parking lot and go inside noticing that the line of cars is nearly as long as it was on Thursday. I go inside, get in line between a confused old man and a couple of snarky remarking college kids and wait for my turn. When I get up to the window, I give the lady behind the glass, who looks old enough to have given Moses swimming lessons, my license plate number. She punches the numbers into her computer with a palpable sense of disdain for time wasting simpletons like myself and after a few minutes of scowling at the screen stated that I owe her the designated amount of money for plate renewal. I ask her about the testing form and she tells me there isn’t testing required this year for my vehicle. I breathe slowly. She repeats the demand for the payment and adds that it must be either cash or check and that they do not accept plastic. I have a grand total of $2.56 in cash on me. I do, however, have my checkbook with me in my car. So, I go out to my car, get my checkbook, come back inside, get in line between a person with a very small grasp on the English language and a middle aged female mouth breather. As I am waiting in line, I fill out my check so I can present it to the lady behind the glass, get my sticker and go. Soon I find myself kneeling behind my car, cleaning off the plate and applying my shiny new sticker. A quick stop at the cop shop and I am a responsible driver once again!

Or at least until the next time my plates expire!

Introducing Abretok Industries

I am pleased to announce the assembly of several small entities under one heading, Abretok Industries. Rainbird Studios, Rainbird Photograbers Inc, and Abretok Arts are joining together under the heading Abretok Industries.

This idea actually started in the garage with my Dad many years ago. When we would build something or finish working on something together Dad would say, “Another fine job by Abretok Industries”, Abretok being out last name spelled backwards. I have used this idea to identify many aspects of my life so it seemed logical that I use it as a heading for my various small enterprises. In the sidebar to your right you will find various links. I will post links to the other sited related to Abretok Industries.

Rainbird Studios is the name of the recording studio where I record Demo’s and albums for musicians on an extremely tight budget. It started as my parents’ basement and still geographically is. My parents, Pete and Georgia Koterba, have been wonderfully supportive in all of my endeavors throughout my life. They have also been extremely tolerant of the racket produced by those endeavors. They are great people! I have a MySpace page set up for the studio to show some of the work done there.

Rainbird Photograbers is an extension of Rainbird Studio’s and is where you can view my attempts at capturing imagery with a camera. It will also be the place to view Items I have for sale. I have recently started hand making bracelets, key fobs and zipper pulls out of parachute cord. In addition to these items, there will be various examples of art on display for purchase. I was recently hired to sculpt scrap metal bonsai trees for a friends wedding. I will post pictures of these after the special day. I enjoyed welding at work when I had the opportunity and the prospects of using metal as a medium for art is interesting and exciting to me. Anyone interested in purchasing items from me can email me at koterba13@gmail.com

Fo those of you that are new to this site, Abretokia will be the place for news and updates regarding all of my outlets which includes a book I’ve started writing. I will also, from time to time, post stories meant purely for entertainment. I already have a few of them up. Some of these stories are fiction, some are real life experiences. I generally try to avoid anything strongly political but occasionally current events so strongly occupy my brain that it will come out in a post. Mostly, I want to inform you of things in my not so important life and hopefully make you smile if not laugh out loud.

I look forward to hearing from you all. Please feel free to comment at will but, be sure to check out my post entitled “To warn or not to warn”.

Sincerely,
Chris koterba