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My friends,
Traditionally, I like to plan out my entries here, research my topics, seek out and paste in appropriate imagery and links so as to make my "articles" somethings I'm proud to share. Today, or tonight actually as it is currently 11:34 pm as I'm writing this. We will be completely unscripted and non-premeditated. It's a Monday night, I recently finished watching a movie called "Big Bang" with a couple of my close friends and I was doing some minor surfing before hitting the shower and going to bed. I made myself an evening cocktail combining 90 proof cherry mash whiskey and Vernor's ginger ale on ice (a drink I dedicate to my Aunt Joyce)and hopped on Facebook to check in with some friends and got the urge to put something witty or clever as a status update when I discovered, I had nothing like that available in my brain. Hm-mm.. this is a conundrum for the creative minded and a trap I'm all to familiar with. The scene sets up like this.

Me - Brain? - This is owner, I want to write something for my Facebook friends.
My Brain - Ummm, sorry but the dopamine levels available right now will not support this request.
Me - I don't care about all that! I want to write something! Make it happen!
My Brain - I'm sorry but it doesn't work tha..
Me - BLAH! BLAH! BLAH! Fine! Forget it! I'll just look around and throw down something I already wrote!! Damn - I need another drink.
My Brain - Umm.. that's really not going to he..
Me - a,a,a, shush, you had your chance!

I proceed to toss some trite drivel up in the text box, hit send, shower and hit the hay, only to watch the hands on the clock race themselves to the time when my alarm goes off because my brain became offended and decided to show me just how damn creative it could be.



So, I figured rather than go through all of that, I would sit here, finish my my cocktail and share this little story with you. I did post some lyrics I found in an old spiral notebook. They were for a song I could never get the music to synch up to.

Listen to the echo as the music ends
The stage lights slowly fade
There’s a tremor running through you soul
As you turn and walk away

3 A.M. and you’re still awake
Listen to passing cars
Lost in memories of what might have been
Hugging a beat up old guitar

Sticks now sleep on silent drums
The Earthquake bass is spider spun
Vacuum tubes now drown in dust
And Six Silver strings have gone to rust

Brothers of blood weathered every storm
Living to be up on stage
Hundreds of miles in a beat up van
Just as long as you could play

5 to 5 just to pay for gear
Sometimes straight from a gig
Heartache and sickness never got in the way
You never doubted you make it big

Sticks now sleep on silent drums
The Earthquake bass is spider spun
Vacuum tubes now drown in dust
And Six Silver strings have gone to rust

Morning finds you with a whiskey brain
Photos strewn everywhere
Memories pound on an open wound
It’s almost more than you can bear

Off to work, you pass a beat up van
Hitting the road getting outta here
Cubicle nightmare looming up ahead
Within your cell you sit and stare

So, with that said, I am off to clean up and, hopefully, sleep.
Goodnight

Customer Service..The other side of the call

Customer Service is a job title that is often viewed with a great deal of scorn. (Click HERE for one person’s creative vent) You hear nightmare tales of incompetent people, worthless results and endless automated call menus. I work in customer service and have had all these experiences myself. There is another side to an awful customer service call though. My job requires me to spend a great deal of time on the telephone interacting with people in need of a service. I have learned a great deal about customer service, phone etiquette, and non-confrontational conversation techniques. I am much more tolerant of things that used to send me into violent tirades of cobalt language, but there are still things that cause me to hang the phone up with a little more force then is required. Here is, therefore, a list of things to consider when you are on the phone with customer service. (I realize that not everything on this list may apply to your situation but most of them will.)

• Clear Goal – When calling, please try to have some sort of clear goal formed before hand. Try to decide if you are calling to order parts, get technical assistance, inquire about a warranty issue or what ever the case may be, try to be able to state the goal in one sentence. Even if you are researching a product, if you explain to the C.S.R. (Customer Service Representative) what you want to do clearly, they will be able to help you out much more efficiently. We are usually a very talented and knowledgeable group of people but none of us are mind reader and crystal balls are not as reliable as we would like them to be.
• Details – Even the best C.S.R. needs some information in order to do their job. Any information you have regarding the reason you are calling will usually help. Model numbers, serial numbers, part numbers, invoice numbers are all very helpful to a successful service call. Remember, we are depending on you to provide us with some data we can use in order to help answer your question. A good C.S.R. is likely taking note as you converse with them; it is a good idea for you to do the same. It is always a good idea to write down the name of the C.S.R. you are working with as well as the time and date the call was made. This way if there are lingering issues or “follow up” calls to be made, you can work with the same person rather than start all over. Please try to remember to speak clearly and calmly especially when giving part numbers, account numbers, credit card numbers, ect. When giving out your phone number remember to give the whole number including the area code.
• Telephone Etiquette – This is a big deal! Proper behavior on the phone will go a long way in making the call a success. One of my biggest irritants is people who talk while eating. I’ve walked away from people for doing this in front of me and I can assure you, having the sound of you wolfing down your favorite snack right in my ear will NOT endear you to me at all. I cannot foresee any situation where the need for food and a phone call should intersect. This also goes for chewing gum. If you are trying to quit smoking then more power to you! Battling your oral fixation, though, is your struggle. Gnawing on a wad of gum or tobacco or sucking on life savers is extremely distracting.
In addition to not eating during the call, excessive multi-tasking is also a poor idea. I realize we all have busy lives and several of my customers are small business owner or even self-employed people trying to make ends meet and time is literally money being made or wasted. However, a customer service call is usually more than a mere friendly chat. In my job, at least, a phone call is an interactive exchange of information which requires the focus of all those involved. Putting me on hold while you answer another call, yell (in my ear) at your barking dog, cuss out your employee, child, McDonalds drive-thru worker, or argue with your wife about the credit card is not very helpful and can make our exchange a great deal less productive. Here is a well put together page regarding telephone etiquette. It is a bit lengthy and was evidently prepared for a college, but much of the material and ideas can be used in most non-social calls.
• Confrontation – As I said above, some of my phone calls are from self-employed individuals with one piece of equipment with which they make a living and provide for their family. Often this equipment is of an older vintage (i.e. equipment originally made in the 1960’s and 70’s) due to the affordability of used machinery versus new. If they have a part break and are not able to use their equipment, they are losing money by the second. When these people call they are already stressed out from the situation. Add to this the possibility that a replacement part has a long lead time, a high price tag or worse is no longer available and you’ve got a situation that can be seconds from explosion. I have learned to handle these situations, but if the call escalates to a personal attack I will terminate the call. If you need to make a customer service regarding a situation that has you feeling frustrated, insulted or dismayed take a minute to calm down before making the call. Please realize that the person who answers that call is not likely the one responsible for your irritation and truly wants to help resolve whatever is troubling you. Try to remain calm, breath, avoid personal attacks and profanity while explaining your concerns. This will go a long way toward achieving the goal of the call.

Dealing with Customer Service can be challenging but you have the power to help make these interactions less soul crushing and much more productive.

Brimstone Serenade

I am in the beginning stages of, yet another, new music project. The project will be called “Brimstone Serenade” and will consist of the re-imagining of several songs I have written and performed in the past. I don’t have a lot of details at the moment because I am focused more on current projects but I will post updates as they occur. I look forward to seeing how this turns out.

The Man Bag

A Few Years ago I started carrying a bag so I could have things that I felt I wanted to have with me available without resorting to constant cargo pants wearing. I looked all over the internet and couldn’t find anything that “fit” what I had in mind. It was then that my wonderful friend Mel suggested checking out a local military surplus store. We headed over there and, voila, the bag I had been looking for. It is called an Israeli Paratrooper Bag.




I was astounded to find they were going for around $20. This beat most of the other bags I have seen that went for over $100! I promptly bought one and began my career as a guy with a purse.

I began customizing the bag, adding and removing items as they tested out. Learning what I could use and what was excess weight. I’m not a stranger to mockery so dealing with multiple questions in both my masculinity and mentality was no problem. I even began to hear compliments on my bag and also my preparedness.

Here is the official tour of Chris Koterba’s E.D.C. (Every Day Carry)




Hanging Outside
• Compass
• 50’ Length of 550 Paracord
• Elastic Bungee Loop
• Hand Kerchief
• Folding Bottle/Can Opener

Front Small Compartment Flap
Various Mood Elevators (read- buttons and pins that make me smile)




Inside Front Small Compartment Flap
• Black Pen
• Black Marker
• Mechanical Pensil
• Red Marker
• Bic Lighter
• Yellow Hi-Lighter
• 8 Gig Flash Drive
• Precision Flat/Phillips Screwdriver
• Folding Knife

Inside Front Small Compartment
• CPR Rescue Mask
• Comb
• Inhaler
• Small Measuring Tape
• Contact Rewetting Drops
• Business Card Holder/Cards
• Small Chain Latch and Link
• 3 Safety Pins

Inside First Main Compartment
First Aid Kit Pack




• Cough Drops
• Antacid
• Visine Eye drop singles
• Sterile Splinter Outs
• Nitrile Exam Gloves
• Burn Gel
• Triple-biotic packets
• Finger Tip Band-Aids
• Standard Band-Aids
• Knuckle Band-Aids
• “Stop-Bleed” Coagulant powder
• Hydrocortisone Cream
• Large Patch Band-Aids
• First Aid Manual
• Aspirin Tablets
• Electrolyte Tablets
• Ibuprofen Tablets
• Alcohol Wipes
• Antiseptic Wipes
• Blistex Lip Balm
• Tweezers
• Finger Nail Clippers
• Non-Sterile Exact-o Knife
• Fabric Bandage Tape
• Pocket Reference Book
• Pocket Sized “Declaration of Independence” and “The Constitution of The United States”
• Small Carry Strap

Inside First Front Compartment
Auxiliary Kit




• Gerber Multi-Tool
• Small LED Flashlight
• Flashlight Hat-brim Clip Attachment
• RCA to 1/8” Stereo Cord
• Single to Dual 1/8” Headphone Jack Splitter
• 1/8” to ¼” Stereo Adapter Plug
• Cell Phone Case Clip/Stand Attachment
• MP3 player AC Charging Adapter
• Matchbooks
• Key Chain with Two Split Key-rings
• 2 Regular Coffee Singles
• 2 Decaffeinated Coffee Singles
• 1 Packet of Sugar
• 1 Packet of Salt
• 1 Packet of Pepper
• 1 packet of Sugar Free Drink Mix
• 10’ Black Duct Tape
• 1 Tide Stick
• 1 Paint Marker
• 1 Pink Eraser
• Camera with Video Capability
• USB Camera Cord
• Camera Battery AC Charger
• Wind and Waterproof Matches
• Box of Wooden Matches
• 1 Hand Warmer Patch

Inside Second Main Compartment
• Max Brooks “Zombie Survival Guide”
• Moleskin Notebook
• Zippered leather pack with Checks and Postage Stamps
• 16 oz. Steel Drink Bottle

Inside Second Main Compartment




• 3-Ring Binder with Business Cards, Notepad, Pen, Dental Floss, Calculator, Playing Cards, Postage Stamps, Document Folder, Pocket Thesaurus, Pocket Dictionary

So there you have it. That's what is contained within my bag. I'm ready. It's like what Ally Sheedy said in "The Breakfast Club"..."You never know when you may have to jam."

Rammstein

As I put this post together I realize that some people may find the imagery and content of this post to be distasteful, disturbing and offensive. I would urge those people to decide whether or not to continue. Please remember my opening statement here in Abretokia. If you truly don't think you can handle it you can escape by clicking HERE. Otherwise, come with me as I talk about my favorite heavy metal band.

Several years ago I was listening to Bob and Brian (two morning talk show hosts on a local rock radio station) and they were mocking a German heavy metal band for writing a song where they said their name over and over again. They played the song and I admit I was amused to hear this word repeated many times through out the song. They then played the “single” of the most recent album. Less then a minute into that song I know I’d be learning more about this band. The song was “Du Hast” and the band was Rammstein.




Rammstein is a Heavy/Industrial Metal band from Germany. Formed in 1994, the band consists of members Till Lindemann (lead vocals), Richard Z. Kruspe (lead guitar and backing vocals), Paul H. Landers (rhythm guitar, backing vocals), Oliver "Ollie" Riedel (bass guitar), Christoph "Doom" Schneider (drums and electronic percussion) and Christian "Flake" Lorenz (keyboards) all of which have remained with the band through out its career. The majority of their work is sung in German but instances of English, Spanish, French, and Russian can be found scattered amongst their catalog. They take their name from a town in Germany which was the site of an air show disaster in 1988.

What attracted me to Rammstein was the heavy and massive riffs carried along by the tank treads of the rhythm section. Add to this the cold industrial element supplied by the keyboard player and a vocal line delivered in growled, German gravel and you have what I believe is a perfect example of what “METAL” can sound like.
• "Du Riechst So Gut"
• “Sonne”
• “Mein Teil”



As I collected their albums I found other elements I liked. Many of their songs contain an undeniable groove that prevents the ability to stand still. Rammstein is not a one trick pony though. They have written some especially melodic songs where the aggression is soothed by a calmer vocal line and a more traditionally musical foundation.

• “Seemann”
• “Ohne dich”
• "Roter Sand"

As you can tell from most of the examples above they have a flair for theatrics in their videos. In addition to theatrical music videos, Rammstein is popularly known for their extensive pyrotechnical stage shows. In the above video for “Feuer Frei!” the face mounted blow-torches are used regularly on tour in addition to various “hands on” pyro devices (The “Fire Bow”, burning mic stands, a old time fuel pump with nozzle that the singer torches a “fan” with, Ect).









Included in the stage show are various moving stage parts (Hydraulic lifts the band uses during segments of the show) moving backdrops and custom lighting rigs, as well as a large and suspiciously shaped cannon that showers the audience with foam and streamers




and a raft in which one of the members “sails” over the crowd.




All in all Rammstein delivers on all fronts as a premier metal band,so you can imagine my excitement when a friend clues me in on their up-coming American tour, especially considering it’s been 10 years since their last U.S. tour. I found out they would be playing 8 shows in North America and 2 shows in Canada. One of those shows was in Chicago. I now had a mission.

Step 1: Get Ticket. For this I turned to my friend Mel, a veteran concert go’er. She helped me land the all important paper passport to musical greatness.

Next, I had to wait for the show date.

So I did………………….

The next thing I know, I’m standing in the sun in the parking lot outside the arena trying to take my own picture with marquee saying “Rammstein”.

This was achieved….


Eventually.



I then found some parking and made my way toward the line which was still in the sun and still in the parking lot. No worries thought, I had bought two bottles of water to drink while waiting.




I was in line for about 4 and a half hours when they let us in. I raced through the line, got my wristband




and made for the stage! The seating was general admission which means you got as close to the stage as you fought to be and I was with in the first two “rows”




In general admission shows, especially metal shows, when the show starts everyone pushes forward and thus everyone becomes sandwiched together with everyone else. It is essentially like 500 people embraced in one massive, heaving sweaty, gyrating hug. All of your parts and pressed firmly (and eventually moistly) against the person in front of you and at least 3 other people are pressed against you. So while waiting for the show to start, several of us struck up conversations with each other comparing drive times and concert stories. I chatted with people from Detroit, Pittsburg, Ohio, North Carolina, Kenosha, and Germany! Music is the great solidifier. Outside this arena we might fight hand and tooth but for a few hours on a Tuesday night we shared song and sweat as one family.

At long last the lights dim and the crowd goes wild!! The opening band is a group called Combicrist.



They had been getting some poor reviews but they tore up the stage at this show. There was a lot of good groove, metal, and action during their 45 minute set. They finished up with a toss about of their equipment on the stage. Now the tension ramped up a bit because we knew in a little bit, Rammstein would hit the stage!!

And the light went out again.

As the opening threads of the first song start playing the curtain opens to reveal what appears to be a factory wall. All of a sudden a pick axe begins breaking its way through on one side and a guitar starts breaking through on the other side. The two guitar players make their way through the wall and stand before us as a stream of sparks begins to flow from the center of the wall torch cutting yet another passage way for the lead singer to emerge from. The wall then falls and Rammstein begins their first show in Chicago in over 10 years!!

Setlist: I have tried to find live versions of all these songs so you can check them out at your leisure.

1. Rammlied
2. Buckstabu
3. Waidmanns Heil
4. Keine Lust
5. Weisses Fleisch
6. Feuer Frei!
7. Wiener Blut
8. Fruhling Un París
9. Ich Tu Dir Weh
10. Du Riescht So gut
11. Benzin
12. Links 2-3-4
13. Du Hast - This was the show I was at!!!
14. Pussy
15. Sonne - My favorite Song!!
16. Haifisch
17. Ich Will
18. Engel

The show ends with all six members coming to the front of the stage and kneeling down in thanks.



Till (the singer) with a heavy German accent, thanked us in English and told us it’s Christophe’s (the drummer) birthday. Everyone cheers and sings “Happy Birthday” while the band shares a glass of champagne on stage. Eventually the band leaves the stage and the house light come up and we all made our way out of the building and on to our own destinations.

As I drove home I reflected on the past several hours and smiled. I was soaked with sweat and sore from the physicality of the audience but I was deeply satisfied with the experience. I got to witness a band I’ve only seen in videos, a band comprised of great music and storylines with a stage show full of action, drama, and fire.




Oh, and did I mention that the arena I saw them in had a WOOD ROOF!!



I have heard rumors that a great deal of footage has been recorded from this tour and will be released as a concert DVD next year. I hope with great enthusiasm that this is true because I would love for people to get to see what I experienced in person because words don’t describe it. I have seen some monumental shows in my life but the Rammstein concert on May 10th 2011 will be a highlight for many, many years.